Friday, May 18, 2012

Daniel Fast, Day 13: Know!

Today's breakfast was grits, lunch was raw almonds, and supper was pintos and grits.  T and I hit Mickey D's again, and this time he bought me something called a "Berry Cherry Chiller", which the cashier told me "was made with 100% fruit juices and natural flavors".  She assured me that it had no sugar.  I accepted the offering because T wanted me to have it, and I was thirsty.  I knew I'd know sooner or later whether or not it had sugar, because my system would react to it.  well, it has sugar.  Oh, well, what can I say?  I didn't want to fight, and he wanted to give me a treat.  Thanks, T :-).

I've been seeing a therapist, a minister who does therapeutic counseling.  The first few weeks, it seemed quite random, and while I was a bit confused by that, I didn't mind much, and I felt very quickly that I could trust him enough to trust his process.  I'm glad I did, because I'm learning a lot and taking a lot of things away.  His way is to allow the session to be client-driven.  I talk, and my words give him, piece by piece, a picture of me.  Whenever he wants clarification on a point, he will ask a question designed to cause me to enlarge further upon what I said.  When he sees something relevant, he points it out. Bit by bit, I tell him who I am, then he tells me what he sees, and I see me through his eyes.  We can then either explore that more deeply, or I can go off in another direction.  Having never been to this type of therapy, or any formal type of therapy, for that matter, before this, I have no idea of how therapy is typically done.  I thought it would be structured, that I'd have to answer a lot of questions, do a lot of things, and sit through a lot of painful analysis about myself.  Rather, this feels more like church.  The time becomes precious, the feeling is relaxed, the space sacred.  I feel more healed, more renewed.  I know all therapy doesn't go that way, and my heart goes out to those who have had negative experiences.  

It helps to have another person in our life who can look at us and see us for who we are, objectively, honestly, and lovingly.  Every person needs that one person.  If you have him/her, hold that one precious.  If not, do not be unfair to yourself by giving up on life and love before you have found that person.  It requires a willingness to be vulnerable, but what but deception has a mask ever accomplished?  Even hiding is a form of deception, because it implies absence that is not true.  Before the next time you swallow liquid courage, or paint yourself brave when you feel that you are not, open wide, take a deep breath, tell the devil to get behind you and take his fear with him, and strip off the mask.  After all, God, Who sees even the heart, already has seen behind the mask.  You have not fooled Him.  He already knows you just as you are, and better than you know yourself.  Objectively, honestly, and lovingly.  And He wants you to know Him.

For what are you waiting, then?  Time to be introduced :-)!

Father God, my Precious Abba, my sister-to-be is afraid.  My brother-to-be is ashamed.  They have been wrongly told that they are nothing, that they are ugly, unfit, that they have nothing of which to be proud.  Worthless.  Unloved.  Unwanted.  These are all lies spoken by the devil out of heedless mouths.  Draw them to You and show them Your truth about who they are in You, for it is in You that all Your sons and daughters have their identity.  Holy Spirit, draw them to You by Your gentle conviction, guide them into Truth, and guard them from the deception of believing that they have no purpose, from taking in vain the Name of the Lord by ascribing to Him cruelty and deception by believing He put them here for no purpose.  Teach them Your way through the witness of those who truly walk in You, and bring them to Life.  In Jesus' strong, sweet, lovely Name, Amen!

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