Breaking the Fast: First Slice of Swordfish

So today, I broke the Daniel Fast, yesterday being the last day.  It felt good to know that I can have whatever I want now, but I feel no great pressure to go out and "make up for lost time".  I was, however, more than ready to eat some fish!  In a previous blog entry, I think I mentioned that I might buy some fresh fish when I went to Whole Foods.  And so I did.  Rather, the fish was frozen, but that was okay, I still bought some.  The fish of choice was swordfish, which I'd never had before.  

So based on my virgin encounter with this fish, here's what I can now tell you about it:  If you like a firm, mild-flavored fish with which you can do a lot, do not sleep on swordfish!  It's not something you're going to feed your family on the regular; I picked up two good-sized pieces for six and change per.  I suppose two people who don't eat that much could have split the portions I got, but I've eaten restaurant portions of meat the same size as the portions of fish I bought, and I just ate one of them by myself, with no problem and without dividing the portion, and I'm not uncomfortably stuffed at all.   So one portion will definitely satisfy the average appetite.  I'd reserve it as a date night food if I were in that kind of relationship.  But my research indicates that in addition to pan-frying it, you can poach it in olive oil, broil it, bake it, or use it in stews.  Once cooked, you can flake it in salads the way you would use tuna.

When you go to buy swordfish, you will notice that it is cut in steaks, which means the butcher (if that is what you call the person who prepares fish) cuts through the fish instead of cutting down the sides of the fish; a cut down the side of the fish is how you get a fillet.  The steaks I got were sliced about an inch thick.  They were a sort of grayish-pink with a distinct bud-shaped marking in the flesh.  My research indicated that when you see that marking, it should be more pink than brown.  Brown indicates that the fish is old, in which case you may want to leave it. Thawed out, the fish will feel pretty firm.  If it's frozen when you get it, you are recommended to take it out of the package, place it in a bowl, cover the fish in plastic, and thaw it in the refrigerator.  Once thawed, you can marinate it in lemon juice with salt and pepper sprinkled on for taste when you finally cook it.  Four hours is a long enough marinate time, I think.  As for the piece of skin that comes on it, the recommendation is to leave it in place during cooking to hold in the moisture so it doesn't become too dry, but do not attempt to eat the skin once the fish is cooked because it will be rubbery.

Okay, now go get your mise en place, and I'll tell you how I cooked it.  You'll need one or two swordfish steaks thawed and marinated in whatever seasonings you like on your fish.  I used the aforementioned lemon juice sprinkled with salt and pepper.  Since I also bought some chili powder yesterday, I decided to use that, too, but not in the marinade.  You'll need some oil or cooking spray to grease a skillet or other frying device.  And you'll need a plate covered in paper towels to soak up the excess oil that comes off the fish when it's done.

First, if you haven't done this already, you want to rinse the thawed fish in cool water, play it out on paper towels, and pat it dry.  You can either cook it at this point or marinate it by putting your marinade ingredients into the bottom of a shallow bowl or other container big enough to hold the fish, then cover it with plastic.  Since I don't have plastic, I used a resealable storage container.  put your fish into the container with the marinade, cover it, and go on about your business until it's time to cook.  Pay close attention to how thick your fish is cut; if you plan to pan-fry it, this will be your indicator of how long per side to cook it:  Per inch, you will cook it five minutes on one side.

To prepare, heat a cast-iron or other type skillet or frying pan over medium heat until a bead of water dropped onto it goes dancing on the surface as it boils away.  If you use non-stick spray, then you should have already sprayed your pan before you preheated it.  Once your pan is nice and hot, and if you're using oil instead of cooking spray, pour in a small amount of cooking oil, enough to slick the surface.  I do this by taking up the pan and tilting it to allow the oil to run over onto all the surface of the pan.  It doesn't take the oil very long to get hot at this point, so have your fish ready to put into the pan as soon as the oil is hot.  Very gently and carefully lay the fish into the pan or skillet and allow it to cook on that side for five minutes.  Once the fish is in the skillet, you can sprinkle your favorite seasonings on.  I used Kosher salt, ground black pepper, and chili powder, sprinkled into my hand and then onto the fish, a pinch at a time.  

At the five minute mark (for a 1-inch thick fish steak), turn it with a pancake turner and cook the other side for four minutes, optionally sprinkling more seasonings over the up-facing side.  During this time you want to layer paper towels onto the receiving plate to catch the excess oil.  At the four minute mark, remove the fish from the frying pan and put it on the plate to drain.  Don't worry about the fact that you cooked it for less time after you turned it; this will prevent you overcooking the fish.  When it flakes easily, you'll know it's done.  Have your other meal selections ready to plate when you remove the fish form the heat; it will cool quickly.

I had my first taste of swordfish accompanied by a tabbouleh salad, with ordinary mild salsa and a generous scoop of a garlic-feta dip to go with the fish, although the fish needed nothing.  The combination of the lemon juice seeping into the fish, plus the salt, pepper, and chili powder made for a very tasty piece of seafood.

I'd intended to have some oven-fried potato sticks, but as I was taking them out of the oven, I saw that they were starting to burn a little, and in the attempt to shake the baking sheet they were on, I instead tilted the sheet and spilled all but a few pieces onto the floor.  I was disgusted with myself and did not want to take the time to make more, since I cooked them at the same time as the fish so as to have them ready when the fish was done.  The few I did get to taste were pretty good, though.  And because I cooked both fish steaks, I have another piece for tomorrow, so I'll feel as though I'm having a little picnic for Memorial Day.

Speaking of which, don't forget to thank God for the sacrifices made by our war dead for the sake of this country, and for the freedoms we enjoy because of them. And don't forget to thank those of our servicepeople still living for their service also, whether or not they're still active.  Freedom is sweet, but it is not free, or is it cheap.  I appreciate having mine.

Daniel Fast, Day 21: Wrap-Up!

Hey, y'all!  It has been a long day, and Mama is tired!  And a whole lot lighter in the pocket than when the day started.  Am I complaining?  Not at the moment; I'm feeling pretty happy with my purchases at the moment.  But some of that stuff I know full well I could have have done without buying today, although if I hadn't bought it today, I would have bought it some other day, so today was as good a day as any other to get it.

Things I bought today that I could have put on the "buy later" list include a jar of bentonite clay that I plan to try on my hair as a shampoo, a 32-ounce bottle of African black soap by Alaffia that I tried as a hand soap almost as soon as I walked in the door—verdict:  YE-E-E-E-ESSSSSSS!!!—some natural toothpaste for which I misread the price and so will not buy again, a tube of Burt's Bees lip balm that has mango butter in it but which I didn't need right now because I just bought two others last month, two bags of snacks that I could have probably bought elsewhere at equal or lesser cost, and a tube of double-concentrated tomato paste.  Although, to be fair, the things that really drove up my budget are the nuts and the maple syrup.  The nuts I will eat anyway, because they've become a staple in the way of eating that I will be practicing from now on. The maple syrup is one of three, maybe four sweeteners which will all replace sugar as staple sweeteners in my food list, and it's one of those things where it becomes more cost effective the more of it you buy, which means to make it worth the price, you pretty much have to break the bank on it.

This is the last day of the Daniel Fast, y'all.  I'm very happy about that.  I have two pieces of swordfish thawing out in my fridge right now, that I plan to cook tomorrow for lunch to inaugurate my new intended pescetarianism.  With it I will have a tabouleh salad, sliced tomatoes, and fruit.  Maybe I will also brew some green tea.  I have missed my tea!  And it will be nice to have something else to eat with rice besides pinto beans, although I ate that for breakfast and supper (I missed lunch) today and liked it both times, so obviously I'm not hurting that much, just want to shake up the monotony a bit, and now I can. 

So, was this anything like what I expected?  Yes and no.  Yes, I knew that it would be both easier and harder than the typical, more complete, more arduous fast wherein I give up all foods and all liquids except water (at my current size, as much sweat as I produce, and with my bladder's tendency to spasm painfully when I'm critically dehydrated, I stopped trying to fast without water years ago); easier because I still ate, but harder because I still gave up eating things I desired.  And just because the fast is now in its last hours, it doesn't mean that I will go back to business as usual.  Instead, I start a different way of eating, for which this fast was a set-up as much as it was a sacrifice. 

Do I feel that I wasted my time?  Absolutely NOT!!!  This was good for me in a number of ways.  I lost weight; how much I don't know, but lose weight I definitely know I did.  During this week alone, I have now been in two situations wherein I was required to sit in chairs that typically were too small to hold me comfortably, if at all, and in both instances the chairs held me with a greater degree of comfort than they would have a mere three weeks ago.  I've now made a 20-minute walk part of my daily routine for at least two days out of the week, and will certainly do it more than that.  I feel better than I have in YEARS!!!  And that's just the beginning. 

I've become more proactive about avoiding as many unnecessary and artificial preservatives and additives as possible.  I'm eating more plant matter than ever before.  I can now eat plain fruit or vegetables and nothing else and still be satisfied, and I'm more readily satisfied on far less.  I now know that I don't need to eat meat to be satisfied.  As a result of not eating it, my cholesterol is going to go down overall, and my bad cholesterol specifically.  I'm going to continue to see a drop in weight, because I have replaced the volume of meat I ate with a greater volume of legumes, nuts, and seeds as a result of which I will take in fewer calories in exchange for way more fiber, which will help to sweep out the fat I do take in and relieve my liver of having to work as hard.  That energy from there can now go to other things, and I will be healthier overall.  I'm emptying my gut regularly, with less effort in a lot of instances, and more than one time in most days.   

There is no more reason for me to mentally prepare myself for the possibility of being in a wheelchair; rather, I can focus on regaining my legs and strengthening my left hip and knee, so I can stand straighter and walk with better form so as not to throw myself out of gait and off balance.  As I get stronger, I will walk farther and become healthier.  I have so missed walking :-(!  Because my body will be healthier, I will feel better, because I will expend less emotional and mental energy on dealing with pain and  tiredness.  Rather than needing strength for bearing pain constantly and having it as a way of life, I will now have strength to put toward other things.  I can explore options that I thought had slipped beyond me forever. 

And the whole thing started because God's Holy Spirit prompted me to begin to search out ways to protect my liver, prompted me to begin the Daniel Fast, and touched my back and set this healing in motion.  He is so very good!

Since I promised to tell the story of how I was healed, it wouldn't be a complete wrap-up of this fast if I didn't tell that story.  So here it is.

I mentioned my new church, Miracle Life Ministries International, which is in walking distance from my residence.  They had a prophetic conference during the last weekend in April, and when it was announced some weeks well in advance, I made it my business that I would be present.  And so I was.

Of the conference generally, I must say that it was a phenomenal experience, and if you missed it, I'm sorry for you.  I benefited greatly from it in more ways than just the healing itself.  I have known that prophecy was one of my spiritual gifts, and I have used that gift over the years, but I needed more boldness and more assurance in my ability to exercise the gift.  I received this boldness and assurance as a result of my participation in the conference.  The whole conference was divided up into sessions: the Friday evening session, the Saturday morning session, and the final session that evening.  Everything God had for me manifested during that afternoon session. 

First there was the moment during which we were all—at least I was—in the Spirit.  The Spirit moved in a wave of anointing across the room.  I was sitting in my chair, I know I was; but then, in an instant, I became aware of being in a reclining position, being lifted up in that position, and being held.  I could fee myself being rocked very slowly and gently, as if I were a small child being held.  The sensation was amazing!  I felt that I weight next to nothing as I was held and being rocked.  I have no words to write that will do justice to that moment; it was brief but indelible.  I do not think I will ever forget it, how it felt to be held like that.  I knew it was God, my Abba, who and come by His Spirit to love me like that.  It was so sweet!  Gentle, warm, tender,  I've never felt anything quite like it, although there have been other moments that I had forgotten that were also very beautiful and special, when the Holy Spirit had visited me in the past.

Then later, during a time when the chairs were moved back to make room for all the people to stand and receive the laying on of hands, I was in a moment of intensely focused worship, hands up, eyes closed, when someone came, took my hands, pulled me forward until I was bending, then the guiding hands took my shoulders and drew me further forward and down until I was doubled over from the waist.  The hands then touched my back.  Those hands belonged to a person, a woman.  This I know.

I don't know how long I stayed bent over, head, shoulders, torso, and arms hanging down to the floor, but I stayed there until I felt the release to rise.  I straightened, arms upraised, head back, back arched, and as I continued worshiping—all this time I had not stopped—there was suddenly a sensation of flickering heat, in the area of my back from whence had originated so much pain and trouble!  It intensified and moved along my back from that area and around in it, and I began claiming by faith and in the Spirit what I wanted:  Total healing of my back, that I would stand and walk and dance, that there would be no more pain, and only the healthy end-of-the-day weariness of a strong, healthy body that had worked hard and well.  Power and strength and ability to walk, so that I could begin to take care of myself and do those things that would help me become healthy in my body.  I claimed it in the Name of Jesus!  And the pain left, and, what else can I say, it has not been back from that moment to now.  And yes, I have been standing, and walking, and dancing in the Spirit.

That all happened before the Daniel Fast, but as I said earlier, the fast itself was part of something greater that God set into motion for my health, so this was a step in a series of steps.  The actual journey is underway, has been well underway for awhile now.  I'm excited to see where He takes me, and I'm so grateful for His mercy, His love, and His grace in not passing me by but helping me, and loving me, and just showing up so big, as He has done. To God be the glory!  I'm so happy right now!  Thank You, Abba! 

So now I think I'll grab a handful of nuts and maybe some fruit, and then I'm going to get ready for bed.  Thank y'all for coming with me on this journey.  I hope you've enjoyed what I've shared and that some of it was helpful to you.  It's a journey that may not make sense to some who are more legalistic or less sacrificial-minded, but for those who undertake it by faith, with true intent and a sincere heart, I think you will find it well worth the doing.  I wish you well, and all God's best to you in Jesus' Name!  Amen!

Hallelujah!

Daniel Fast, Day 20: Wind Down

Breakfast today was yesterday's mix of cashews with raw and roasted almonds and dried Bing Cherries.  Lunch was the same as breakfast.  After I'd been home for about an hour, I enjoyed a snack of pistachios and sliced mango, then T and I headed out for a movie.  At the theater, we shared a generous bag of salted popcorn, his share of which he topped off with a sizable fountain Coke.  Later after he got me home again, I answered the popcorn with come pintos and brown rice.  More dried cherries sealed the deal.

I'm not gonna be long at this, because I'm tired.  A little relaxation in front of the computer is what I want before I call it a night.  I'm all showered and slathered in shea butter, and when I decide I'm done being up, all I need to do is go lie down.  Nice!

One more day, y'all!  One more day!  All I can think about right now is some broiled fish with some rice and mixed vegetables or a salad.  I've planned a return trip to Whole Foods for tomorrow, and this time, I have money, I know I do.   Tomorrow will be a little bit of redemption for two weeks ago when I went and was so embarrassed when I left, not to mention very disappointed because I couldn't get a lot of the things I went for.  This time, I trust, will be much better, and I'll get to leave wearing a great big Kool-Aid smile.  I hope.  Maybe I'll find some fish I like while I'm there.

And now I know T reads my blog.  At least, I know he has read it at least once.  I'm happy 'bout that :-).

Okay, g'nite, y'all!

Daniel Fast, Day 19: What Feeds My Spirit

Breakfast today was a mix of raw and roasted almonds with roasted cashews and a banana.  Because this was eaten at my desk at work, and I pretty much ate the whole time I was sitting there, I wasn't very hungry by the time I got home, and even if I had been, the walk from the Rite-Aid was a little more arduous than in previous days, and I was literally too tired for a whole hour afterward to do anything but sit down and rest my face on the front of the flat screen monitor.  When I finally did feel like moving, I put on some brown rice and snacked on the pintos I'd put into the crock pot first thing after getting up this morning.  When the rice was soft enough to eat, I scooped some up into a bowl, spooned in some pintos, and covered it all in the juice I created by the use of entirely too much cooking water, and that was supper.  The flooding of the beans was by design; I like them soupy like that.  It made a wonderful bean gravy for the rice.  I haven't put a snack together, but it's time for one.

I'm feeling very happy about having made it down to my last two days of fasting.  But I made a discovery on my YouVersion Bible app for cellphones that I wish I'd known was there when I started the fast:  Bible/devotion plans!  Not that I didn't know the Bible plans were there, but I hadn't looked at all, and I didn't know about the devotion plans.  Wow!  More than the typical handful of plans I've seen on other sites or in other programs, too, lots, and lots, and lots of them!  There's even a plan suitable for a 21-day fast, which this is.  I wouldn't even look at it.  I'm just gonna save it and hope I remember it's there for the next time I do a Daniel Fast or any other type of fast that lasts 21 days.
  

Typically, I just pick a book of the Bible and listen to it during my commute, whether riding, walking, or waiting.  Since downloading YouVersion, I've covered all of Apostle Paul's letters, all the books of prophecy, and the Sermon on the Mount.  Now I'm in the second of the Books of Moses, Exodus.  I already finished Genesis.  I enjoy using YouVersion because, although not all the versions of the Bible are narrated, there are several that are, and most of those are actually rather well voiced.  The English Standard Version has become my favorite.  The man narrating is able to alter his voice just enough to distinguish not only between different speakers, but also emotional states without over-dramatizing to the point of distracting from the fact that I'm listening to the Holy Scriptures.  And it's nice to know that Alexander Scourby, as great a narrator as he was, isn't the only one who can bring the Bible to life for me as the listener.
  

However, I also like reading devotions sometimes.  These aren't narrated, though, so accessing them while in transit will greatly depend on light levels wherever I am.  Since cellphone displays are notoriously hard to see in bright natural light, and the display on my phone became known for being particularly invisible by professional consumer product reviewers before it ever hit the market, that will be something that I'll have to save for when I'm inside or under outdoor conditions where it's shady.  However, I'd like to begin a devotional plan or plans that will carry me through the summer.  There are so many from which to choose in YouVersion that it'll be a major, albeit enjoyable, undertaking to choose which ones to follow.  Who knows, there's one in there about food; maybe I'll start that one the day after my fast is finished, to keep me on track spiritually as I begin to put together my new way of eating.

Now, what shall be my snack right now?  I know there's gonna be some fruit in there.  And I liked the brown rice and almonds I did some days ago, maybe a little of that . . . . 

Daniel Fast, Day 18: The Medicine Edition

For breakfast on this 18th day, I combined roasted almonds and cashews together and had some dried cherries to go along with them.  Lunch was sunflower seeds and pistachios, followed up by an apple and a banana.  I ate the last of the cooked pintos for supper, and chewed on more cherries as I headed out for a Bible study.  Now that I'm home, I'm feeling a little peckish—that's British for hungry—and I'm thinking about some more pistachios and some strawberries.

I wasn't going to go to the Bible study tonight, but now I'm glad I went.  Besides getting an exhortation based on the account of the Prophet Elijah's last moments on earth and the simultaneous beginning of the ministry of the Prophet Elisha (2 Kings 2), I also got to spend a few moments in the company of two ladies whom I'm beginning to like a lot on very short acquaintance.  One of them is a dealer in essential oils and other things from a site called Young Living.  I've just come from a quick look around, and I think—I intend—that I shall be purchasing, either directly from the site, for from my new friend, because that is how she makes her living, at least in part, I think.  

While we were all talking together, she poured into my hand a single drop of an oil blend that smells absolutely exquisite, the scent of which filled the whole sanctuary space so that one of the brothers came over to investigate.  After she talked about an essential oil product she shared with someone who had suffered from post-surgical hip pain, I told her about how I came to be on the Daniel Fast, about my concerns for my liver due to the strong medicines I take for chronic pain, and about a discomfort I've been experiencing in the area approximate to where the liver is in the body.  She dropped a single drop of another oil blend in my left hand, had me emulsify it by rubbing my right hand over it, then sent me to the ladies' bathroom to place my hands over the area in question.  She says that this will help me.  I hope so.


The products on the site are certified Kosher, and she likes that about them.  So will many others. Depending on shipping and price, I think I may start building my stock of desired essential oils for skin and hair. The medicinal properties found in many of them will also be of benefit to me.  Who knows, maybe I will find one or more that will help me protect my liver, until I can wean myself off the medicines I'm taking for pain from which I believe God has now healed me.  

Essential oils are just one of the many items from the earth itself given by God to man for our health, comfort, and pleasure.  Foods are another.  I forget which Greek philosopher it was who said, "Whatever can be cured with food, seek not to cure it any other way," I think it was Hippocrates, the "father of medicine"; but in a less toxic world than ours it would be excellent advice.  Certainly it was very excellent advice in his day.  It is advice I mean to follow after these days of the Daniel Fast have ended.  I'm looking forward to that.


I'm also looking forward to the fulfillment of the vision seen by Ezekiel (see ch. 47) and Apostle John (Revelation 22), when all the world will be able to eat from the tree of life and be healed by it, as was seen in their shared vision:  The tree (or parallel rows of the same type of tree) will grow on either side of a rive that will flow from the sanctuary of God, and a fresh, different crop of fruit will be harvested from it every month.  The fruit will be for food, and the leaves will be gathered for "the healing of the nations."  Yeah, I'm really looking forward to that :-)!

Daniel fast, Day 17: The Gift

Yippee!  My palate is happy right now!  Let's see, for breakfast, I had two snack packets of mixed nuts.  Lunch was more of a snack, but what a snack:  Cashews!  Yes, cashews!  Not roasted in cottonseed oil!  And they were so good!  I ate only a few, along with a few dried Bing cherries, which were not overly sweet and quite tasty.  Supper was a plate full of salad made of mixed greens, tomato chunks, roasted sunflower nuts, strips of green bell pepper, slices of cucumber, and a first, olives!  They were the sliced black ones, but I don't care, I love olives.  I dressed it in EVOO and red wine vinegar with salt and pepper judiciously sprinkled on.  A Red Delicious apple completed my meal.  Biting a flat surface into my apple and sopping the excess vinegar and oil on my plate with it led to a nice little taste discovery, which I mean to try at my earliest convenience.  The combination of the tart wine vinegar and the sweet apple is gustatory synergy, y'all!  The vinegar makes the sweet more intense and enhances the flavor more than if I ate the apple alone.  Simply amazing!  But I got hungry again a few hours later, so I finished up with a veritable feast:  Baby carrots with black bean, traditional, garlic, and red pepper hummus flavors; roasted almonds and cashews; and dried Bing cherries paired with large, fresh-from-the-store strawberries, every one of them sweet.  My mouth is happy :-)!

And my soul is happy, too, for the gift I was given tonight.  As part of a discussion about parenthood and parenting, the question was raised regarding the do's and don'ts of single parenting, and the topic of surrogate male figures was raised.  It was generally agreed that female-parented boys benefit greatly from regular association and interaction with older boys and men of good character, because it takes a man, it was felt, to teach a boy to be a man.  The problem, as passionately and extensively expressed by a participant, is finding men of good character, especially when one's own male relatives don't exemplify it, as was her experience.  In that case, suggested others in the group, participation in a local church, boys club, Big Brother-type organization, or other group designed to foster and nurture female-parented boys go a long way to helping Mother in her quest to raise an upstanding man of capability and good character.  


I then raised my hand.  "I was only a mother for 19 weeks and 5 days, but given what I knew about my co-progenitor, I knew from the beginning that I needed to protect my baby.  Male role models were not an issue for me; I had my father, five brothers, and a lot of good male friends, but children need protection from people passing into and out of their lives, not being there for them, and I was determined to protect my baby from this."


So I then related how it was that, when I discovered I was pregnant, I went to my baby's co-progenitor and, after informing him of my pregnancy and my fidelity as proof of his genetic contribution, I offered him the following:  "You don't have to be involved if you don't want to.  I will take this baby, and I will raise my baby to the best of my ability, and we will live and be happy.  But if you choose to be involved, it begins now, and it is total.  You will not pass in and out of my child's life when you feel like it!"  To me, then as now, paternal involvement is more than a few dollars for a box of Pampers every now and then as an afterthought, you're there when you remember it, and the rest of the time we don't see you.  The first requirement is that both parents be committed to the child.  The child deserves to know both parents and the history and heritage that make the parents who they are.  However, when the non-custodial parent consistently demonstrates an unwillingness or inability to do his/her share, the other parent is required to protect the child as much as possible from the resulting instability and emotional upset that can and does result from an uncommitted parent playing ping-pong with the child's heart.  Having my child be well-adjusted and healthy in every way was far and away more important to me than having in his life an unstable force as represented by the type of person that was the co-progenitor simply for the sake of him saying he knew his daddy.


I firmly believe and stand by my position and decision now as much as when I reached them, but, "Since I was a mother only for such a short time, I recognize that I perhaps can't speak to this like the other mothers that raised their children," I acknowledged.  But "Mothers and their children deserve to know that they have someone in their lives who is committed to them," the guest moderator confirmed.  "This is not about marriage, this is about commitment:  The child deserves to have the commitment of both parents."  On that note, we ended the discussion, and I closed the meeting in prayer, thanking God for His example to us as our Father and asking, among other things, that He empower us to walk out His example in the lives of our children, whether they be of our bodies or of our hearts.  


Then the class instructor, who flows freely in the gift of encouragement, gifted me in perhaps the most precious way anyone could have done:  "I want you to know that it doesn't matter how long you were a mother to your baby.  What's important is that you were the best mother you could be to your baby, because you saw the need to protect your child, and you set out to do it.  That's what good mothers do, and you did it."  In tears over her acknowledgement of my mother's heart toward my baby, I thanked her, telling her how I prayed every day that God would help me be the best mother to my baby that I could be.  "Well, He answered your prayer," she declared in assurance.  "And your baby is waiting in heaven to acknowledge you as his mama."


After you have done your utmost best and right in a situation wherein you've faced heartbreak and disappointment in the end, to have others acknowledge good about what you've gone through can do much to soothe pain and heal hurt that you didn't know you still carried.  The gift of such acknowledgement is extremely precious.  Allow the Lord to lead, of course, but when He presents to you the opportunity to so gift another person, be grateful for the moment, and be your utmost gracious in the giving; it is a great and rich and sweet blessing.

Daniel Fast, Day 16: Lessons

Okay, here's something:  A fast within a fast.  How'd that happen?  Well, a visiting prophet wound up his second service Sunday night by asking us to do a "light fast" this morning until about midday in preparation for his final service tonight.  So breakfast was nothing at all.  Lunch was roasted and salted almonds with a Pink Lady apple, a break from the usual Red Delicious.  Supper was pintos.  Just that.  Now, I'm snacking on dry roasted and salted pistachios, a different nut altogether.  I'll also be crunching on another Pink Lady apple.

And, as quickly as he came, T has left again.  T's story is an example of why no one should ever take the attitude about anything they do, good or bad, that "I'm not hurting anybody".  Nothing, and I do mean nothing, happens in a vacuum.  For every action you take, there are consequences, to yourself and to other people.  And while you may choose your actions, you cannot choose the outcome of your actions.  Don't bother asking me what T did, I'm not telling you.  Ever.  But because of it, even though it happened way before I even knew he existed, he had to make a mad dash for safety back to a place he didn't want to be, and I'm left, once again, with no notion beyond tomorrow (because he has to return for some things he left) when I will see him again.

T's religious philosophy is also an example.  The power of positive thinking versus the presence of a powerful God.  With a notable exception, that being his lack of belief in the efficacy of prayer, which is based on his belief in an omni-permeative but non-relational god, T subscribes to the system of belief created by Ernest Shurtleff Holmes, creator and author of The Science of Mind, the name both of the philosophy and of the text that introduces and explains it.  A careful and thoughtful reading of their statement of "What We Believe" by anyone who is well-versed in the Bible will appear almost to be a modernized expression of certain Biblical concepts.  One might be lulled into thinking after awhile that there is not much of anything wrong with what it states.  It takes parsing what is said and digging deeper into what they say about key Christian concepts to spot the deception.  Also called Religious Science, and taught and practiced at places of worship called Centers of Spiritual Living, The Science of Mind affirms and teaches, among other things, that God lives in everybody; that God shows or demonstrates Itself (not Himself) in and through all creation but is separate from it, and the perceivable universe is the body of God; that heaven is experienced based on your life circumstances and hell does not exist, or only exists to the degree that your life is out of order; that because God is the only power, the devil cannot exist, and therefore anything for which we might blame him, or anyone else, is the result of our own faulty choices, and any negative or sinister experiences we have are simply the manifestation of superstition and faulty or primitive thinking or belief.  Jesus was a great "Master Teacher" who was the best expression of God.  Yes, He was a son of God, but so are we all; and yes, He was divine, but so are we all.  Sins are just mistakes we make, and we are punished by the consequences of those mistakes, not for making them.

By their teaching, one can influence one's circumstances by what one thinks, because the Universal Mind, aka the Law of God, is in direct contact with and influenced by thought.  This, combined with one's personal divinity and permeation by Spirit, would make it seem to me that, on a particular day he described, T should have been able to divine his purpose and thus dispel his feelings of aimlessness and being lost and without purpose simply by changing his thought.  Yet, for all his divinity of self, he spent a chunk of time driving around and going nowhere, feeling as though he had no reason to live.  He has many similar moments.  A true, right-thinking Christian would have known to take that to our Lord, to pray, to stand on faith in God, Who knows the plans He has for all of us.  At the end of the day, the power of positive thought, without being informed and transformed by the power of Holy Spirit and the Word of the true God, leads to nothing more than a vivid but ultimately vain imagination.

Because of T's choices, in action and in thinking, I'm left with God's response where I'm concerned.  God's ordinances are about protection of His children from the consequences of sin into which we might otherwise fall if we did not obey Him.  One of His ordinances is unity of spirit between any two people, especially relationally, as expressed in the First Letter to the Corinthians wherein Apostle Paul instructs, "Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever."  Granted, this is mainly thought to apply to marriage, but it can also apply to close friendships, which T and I had.  Because I am His child, and T and I clearly walk on different spiritual paths, which has profound implications for the rest of our relationship, God has determined to protect me, and so He does. Therefore, I do not seek to, let us say, "throw myself under the bus" by stubbornly persisting in trying to maintain our relationship beyond what boundaries God would allow, although I can and do still love T very much.  So what happens when, through no fault of my own, the "bus" comes crashing into my abode?  Well, the "Wrecker" much come and remove the "bus". So while T's departure is on one level the result of consequences of past actions, in the Spirit, the bus has now been towed away.

Yet, I do not forget one last thing:  The impact of hitting the bottom.  I know that for every prodigal, there is a pigpen.  The prodigal who looks at the husks, remembers the father's bread, and humbly returns seeking only to serve experiences the father's grace and restoration to sonship.  And God is a most gracious Father.  And most able by the Holy Spirit to convict through the revelation of the husks and the remembrance of the Bread of life.  He it is, the only One, Who can bring this about in T.  And He has promised, as surely as T repents and returns, to restore him to sonship also.  The bus can be restored.

And what are my lessons while all this is happening?  Well, there's faith, and discipline, and patience . . . .